Anxiously Awaiting...

Thursday, August 23, 2012

“What have I done!?:” A “Steamy Thursday” Post In Which A Lesson Is Learned

“Steamy Thursday” has become my weekly tradition. I use it to express my passion for books—usually in a “creatively” strange and creepy manner. I have done Bookish-Porn photo shoots (yes, I show pictures of books without their dust jackets!) and I have included excerpts from my original work of fiction titled Fifty-One Hues of Mauve, which is bookish-erotica and contains scenes of book-launching. All in all, “Steamy Thursday” is basically do-what-you-want-to-express-your-passion-for-books. I like it because it is an opportunity to be creative and silly…and yes sometimes I just feel a need to be creepy.
Previous “Steamy Thursday” posts include:

A Discussion on Book-Boners!

An Excerpt from My Original Work of Fiction “Fifty-One Hues of Mauve”

A Description of my original work of fiction “Fifty-one Hues of Mauve”

Book Chicka Wow Wow: A Bookish Porn Adventure

Book Chicka Wow Wow: A Bookish Porn Adventure Part II

The degree of creepiness varies from post to post….
Now on to this week’s steaminess!
Today I am sharing an actuality—also known as a “slice of life.” Actually, I would consider it more of a bookish parable since there is an important lesson to be learned. The following is a conversation between me and a friend—a friend who wishes to be known only as Midnight Butterfly.
A Bookish Slice of Life
Midnight Butterfly:Hey! Guess what? I went to Barnes and Noble the other day and bought a new book!

Me: Oh gee Midnight Butterfly, that sure is swell! Is it The Hunger Games?! If so I wholly approve!

Midnight Butterfly: I already read that, loved it, and decided to buy something that looked just as good just more romantic!

Me: Ah! Is it Half-Blood?

Midnight Butterfly: Nope, though that’s on my list…

Me: Out with it!

Midnight Butterfly: Ok ok ready?

Me: O.o

Midnight Butterfly: 50 Shades of Grey by E.L James!! *holds fist to mouth in a proud and excited gesture*

Me: Wait, did you say just as good as The Hunger Games only more romantic? You are kidding, yes?

Midnight Butterfly: Well no. I heard it was good, you know great writing, fantastic storyline, believable characters, excellent use of metaphors, beautiful imagery, masterful manipulation of the English language, you know just an excellent and exemplary work of fiction! *Shakespeare hands*


Midnight Butterfly: What?

Me: *face palm*

Midnight Butterfly: What!!??!!

Me: It’s FUCKING PORN!!!!!

Midnight Butterfly: Noooooooo! Really!?

Me: Do I ever lie about porn?

Midnight Butterfly: No, never, but…I didn’t know…this can’t be!
*takes out book, flips to a random page and starts reading out loud*
     "He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string...what! And...gently pulls my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Holy fuck. Sweet mother of all… Jeez. And then he’s inside me—" 
*shocked stops reading* What the hell!?

Me: *knowing smile*

Midnight Butterfly: What have I done!?

Me: I believe we have established that you bought porn in book form…

Midnight Butterfly: That’s the devil’s work!

Me: Guffaw!! Hey, it might turn out to be your cup of tea! This sounds like the work of the Fates! You have to read it, it’s your destiny!

Midnight Butterfly: No, it’s accidental porn!

Me: It’s Destiny!

Midnight Butterfly: *Twitches*

Note:For those of you wondering, “Shakespeare hands," in this context, are exaggerated and presumptuous hand gestures that are encountered when watching the overacting seen in some Shakespeare play adaptations or over-acting in general. They are usually used when referring to the arts in a bombastic manner. And yes I just made that up.

So what is the lesson of this story?
The lesson:
Everything happens for a reason?
Porn comes in all shapes and sizes…?
Don’t blindly follow fads…?
Be yourself?
Eat an apple a day?
Don’t judge a book by its cover?
Judge a book by its cover?
Buy a mountain?
ehh…what else?…lessons, lessons…
Always read the synopsis and check the back of the book for an “Erotica” label?
The best porn is accidental?
The worst porn is accidental?
Ok, ok so I’m not sure what the lesson is, but I am pretty sure there is a lesson in there somewhere...

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